Give me the reasons to keep on trying.
Aug. 26th, 2012 02:59 pm![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
indulgent_sinLife is hard.
I know this very well and it is for everyone at one point.
I know everyone's had a shitty day once or twice and they've been kicked down to the point they wanna throw their hands up and cry. Give up. I've had those days. Quite recently, too. In my line of work you have a lot of time to think about things and you realize some unpleasant things and wanna kick yourself for them. I have those a LOT and today I had quite a few of them. Mostly about how I used to be on this one RP comm - occasionally i still post there but details - and I had someone I thought was a pretty cool RPer and I liked her interpretation of the character even if it was an AU. She seemed pretty cool and almost fun...
Then my life changed and now I can't look at her RP account without being disgusted because she now has something - someone - I can never have again. Call me opinionated but to me she's a little fucking twat and I know I'll be outed/bitched at or whatever shit if a certain someone reads this haha. I already feel outed by another girl in this same fandom due to these certain changes in my life that happened, and even though we're now in a game I feel like she doesn't like me and even judges me somehow. As seen how when both me and a friend joined the game around the same time, this girl went and asked for my friend's plurk to add her but not me so I feel like she's judged me already cause of someone else's opinion and I think it's rude to follow another's biased opinion if that's what she's doing with this.
I'm so sick and frustrated and some days I don't feel like my opinion even matters any more. Why do I do things if people just ignore me? I feel like crap but when is that ever anything normal with me lately?
I just... I wanna help but people won't let me and they all fucking judge me but... ugh... I'm almost ready to give up sometimes.
I know this very well and it is for everyone at one point.
I know everyone's had a shitty day once or twice and they've been kicked down to the point they wanna throw their hands up and cry. Give up. I've had those days. Quite recently, too. In my line of work you have a lot of time to think about things and you realize some unpleasant things and wanna kick yourself for them. I have those a LOT and today I had quite a few of them. Mostly about how I used to be on this one RP comm - occasionally i still post there but details - and I had someone I thought was a pretty cool RPer and I liked her interpretation of the character even if it was an AU. She seemed pretty cool and almost fun...
Then my life changed and now I can't look at her RP account without being disgusted because she now has something - someone - I can never have again. Call me opinionated but to me she's a little fucking twat and I know I'll be outed/bitched at or whatever shit if a certain someone reads this haha. I already feel outed by another girl in this same fandom due to these certain changes in my life that happened, and even though we're now in a game I feel like she doesn't like me and even judges me somehow. As seen how when both me and a friend joined the game around the same time, this girl went and asked for my friend's plurk to add her but not me so I feel like she's judged me already cause of someone else's opinion and I think it's rude to follow another's biased opinion if that's what she's doing with this.
I'm so sick and frustrated and some days I don't feel like my opinion even matters any more. Why do I do things if people just ignore me? I feel like crap but when is that ever anything normal with me lately?
I just... I wanna help but people won't let me and they all fucking judge me but... ugh... I'm almost ready to give up sometimes.
